25 ramadhan... at this moment of time (4pm), while all muslims is preparing for Asar's prayer, while those muslims is doing the sunnah prayer, she is battling her life... at this moment, she had open her eyes after been sleeping for the past 3 days... no one knows, that moment, she is watching her soul as it flew away and saying goodbye to all people around her, to me... but no one see her... this moment, her last grip is slowing fading from my hold... i cant describe how this moment had fade away, but i am glad to be there, i am glad to remind her of the mighty Allah all the time, never stop, until her last breath... i have promised her,, which i dont have to tell the whole world now.. lets this promise only between me, you and Allah... i trust you have listen to me mom, bcoz i have seen u such a release but in another way which ur last exhale ever... ya Allah, please remind me when ever i have forgotten the path on holding the promise... because i am afraid to be seen as the bad shadow of myself...
alhamdulillah... i have tried my best... lets nobody see it... bcoz mom, u always said, the good things is not to be seen and not to be told... i pray i will be strong as you mom! after that moment, i knew, u will be in a better place, u have left the good things behind, u have the good things to taking care of everything u left... but what is it? no one knows, only u and Allah knew... i dont know either, i can only describe that, why? bcoz u have left the last smile for us to see.. its the sweetest goodbye ever... i have no questions, i have no wonders.. i smile back to you, even u dont see it.. its a mutual understanding appear between us during that moment......
remembering the suffering i have seen everyday is a heart slashed.. i have learned mom, now i am glad.. Allah is the greatest, He have arrange the best thing for us and everything that happen, everything that we have face, will be paid as a token... to be strong, to be thankful, always redha (pleased) are always the hardest thing to do... why? bcoz we tend to forgot Allah... i have found the answer in u... u are the strongest women ever, u stand strong for ur family, u always thanked Allah for every test given bcoz u always patient, redha (pleased) and Allah gave u a token, u have family to lean on, u have children that makes u proud and we stand to protect you...just let people see that i have gave nothing.. i have nothing to prove, you are no longer with me to tell everybody ....but Allah knows...
this token is now will continue even u r no longer with us.. and this token will always be with you until at padang mashar, insyallah.... my pray is always with u mom... remember i have told u, "mak, jangan risau ye.. just hold my hand" i really meant it for the rest of my life....
"ya Allah, istiqamah kan aku dalam ibadah ku, terutama dalam doa ku dan semoga aku sentiasa redha akan ujian mu" Al-Fatihah...
i am happy for u,
SweetyHoneyzz
Hanya Allah yg tahu... dialog sepi petang ku bersama ibu... ku tangis teresak, bukan mengenang... hanya mengadu.. lagi perit bile aduan ku tidak bersahut...
Teringat ku pada kuliah subuh tempoh hri... menangis ku di dalam... terima kasih ibu, kerna engkau telah memilih ku.. sahut kesyukuran ku pada mu ya allah.. kerna kami berdua telah terpilih oleh mu... berikan aku hidayah yg berterusan...
Terhapus dosa2 ku kerna mu ibu... aku tidak akan pernah berhenti untuk terus membanggakan mu... aku tidak akan pernah berhenti untuk terus tabah demi ayah, demi adik... moga allah beriku keredhaan nya...
Sedikit demi sedikit allah beriku petunjuk.. beriku kesedaran.. bahawa aku harus berdiri sendiri.. sedikit demi sedikit, aku perlu lepaskan 'jerat' itu.. ya, kerna ia sudah mjadi 'jerat' bukan lagi dinding utk ku bersandar...
Ibu... aku akan pulang dgn membanggakan mu.. aku berjanji, satu lagi 'jerat' itu akan terlerai bila aku mgenggam ijazah akhirku... ibu... doakan aku, kau tahu, kau dengar aduan ku bukan?
Walau mungkin tidak terungkap kata2.. naluri mu tahu aper kata hati ku....
Sepi tanpa sahutan,
Sweetyhoneyzz...
Salam ramadhan to all muslims! every year i will feel the tears of ramadhan when ever i open this blog. something call me up to open it.. i not really used to blog every single day.. when i open it up, yeahhh i know, that voice is calling me to recall the ramadhan moment :')
never the less, is all about u mom... *cry*
the last thing ever i can recall that makes me feel better, when the doc said, "she had a lot of faith in you"
i must never make her disappointing now.. even its impossible to say that she always eyeing me.. i trust this as her believe towards me.. thats why, i decided to make a move ahead in my career its all about my family...
mom, i know you already know by now.. i know u r so proud of me since i was in boarding school.. i study hard, i give you best result just to make you proud.. because in ur life, u have gone through the difficulties, with people surround that always jealous on u. they dont envy you.. and now, even you r not here with us, i know those people will still rename you as part of my victory.. yes mom, this is the precious gift ever for you...
